Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category
I’m Making It Work
Posted on: August 11, 2011
Social maturity is variable but parental guidance can constructively shape and drive it. My son has been on Facebook since 10, I am an active friend and monitor, and we talk about what is being posted including comments and photos, etc. He has to take down anything I overrule, but always in the context of a discussion about “why” so that he develops better judgement, discernment and (hopefully!) taste.
He is also limited to amount of Facebook time, and only after homework or chores are finished and lots of daily exercise and activity has occurred. I don’t see FB as any different than anything else that requires me to live up to my role as an active mother engaged every day in helping my child grow up over time to be a socially responsible, fun and good human being.
It’s much better to know your child’s password and observe them online than to say “No internet for you” and have them sneak around you. And they will sneak around you. My niece joined Facebook when she was eleven, lying and saying her age was thirteen. Rather than report her, and have her simply make another account with a false name that I couldn’t track, I added her and kept an eye on what she did. This is my niece, mind you, not my own child.
Children do what they want. Being honest with them, and giving them logical reasons for your actions, and the actions you expect of them is much more effective than trying to completely control what they do, with no regard to how they feel, while repeating “I’m the adult, I’m right.” In their minds, if what you do makes them unhappy, than you can’t be right. Things like that are going to decrease the amount of respect they have for you, and the amount of credence they give to what you say. Of course, you are the parent. You’re free to screw your child up anyway you like.
Facebook lists 13 as the YOUNGEST possible age, and I agree some are ready at 13 but some are not. Many kids simply cannot comprehend that once you POST something, it is there (in cyber world) forever, you can’t take it back. Also that you have to watch what you say about school (so you don’t get in trouble) about personal info (predators), and then there is the whole world of cyber bullying.
It also bothers me that Facebook has the rule and so many parents HELP their kids break it. It just shows the kids that rules don’t need to be followed if you don’t like them. Another thing, once the kids ARE on Facebook I think they should be monitored closely until they are 17 or 18. If they can’t handle the fact that parents are a “friend” and can check in & control privacy settings, etc., then they don’t deserve the “privilege” of FB.
I have children from 12 to 17. My 17 and 15 year old have Facebook and it is a challenge to limit their time on the thing. We have to watch them constantly because even if it looks like they are doing their homework, they have Facebook up in background.
So my 12 year old doesn’t have it yet but I’m sure he will eventually. It all comes down to the parents needing to start being PARENTS, setting rules, guide lines and being consistent, firm and discipline. Keep the computers out of the kids room! Set high standards for their grades, use the technology available to us all on regulating time on Facebook or even the internet as a whole.
Our computer is in the living room, the internet is only available to my kids from 4PM-9PM 7 days a week period! they have to share that time between the 3 of them and their mother and I, plus get their homework done and maintain a B average.
One of the roles of a parent is to prepare them to go out into the world, I have to let them go and they have to make mistakes and fail in order to learn, get back on their feet, deal with the consequences and go on. Just like when they were learning to walk, I never caught them from falling but I did protect them , they didn’t hit there head on the coffee table but I always let them bump onto the floor sometime to tears.
Same in FB, they have to learn the safe and proper way of using it and understand not everyone knows how. I’m trying to assist them in gaining that knowledge while I have some small measure of protection. In another my 17 year old will be 18 and in many ways I will be spectator to their life and hope whatever I taught them they remember.
